Day 26 – Think back
to how you were 5 years ago. How have
you changed since then?
Oh
boy, this is getting really personal…a whole heck of a lot, I’ll tell you that
much! I could go and give my whole life
story, but I don’t want to do that. The
only reason why I’m writing this is because I know that it could help someone,
somewhere.
As
I have mentioned before, I went through a period of depression that peaked
between the end of my junior year of high school to just before I
graduated. For me, it was all
internal. I didn’t self-harm, or take it
out on anyone else. I didn’t talk to
anybody about it until much later. In
fact, most people thought I was alright because I showed no signs of it. I’m one of those people who are wary of
hurting or burdening others. So I forced
a smile on my face. I tried to be
social. I kept my grades up. Not even my parents knew about it for a
while. I didn’t hate anyone or
anything. I hated myself, for reasons
even I can’t explain now. It was just me
in my dark little world.
A
lot of people don’t—or can’t—really understand depression. They think it’s an “all in your head” sort of
thing. They’re right. It is.
But all of that in one’s head can accumulate and weigh him or her
down. Depression hurts physically,
too. The stress caused my acne and
psoriasis to flare up, and I was constantly aching and getting headaches. I offered these pains up as sacrifice and
penance. I begged God to show me what He
wanted of me. I begged Him to show me
that I was worth something.
If
I could only give you all one piece of advice, it would be this: Trust in the Lord. He will never let go, even if you do. He created you for a purpose. If you ever feel like you can’t find a reason
to love yourself, remember that God loves you for no reason at all. He loves you because you are you, the way He
intended for you to be. If you feel lost
or uncertain, ask God to help you. He
WILL guide you, but you have to believe that He will. You have to accept His grace.
Everything that I've gone through made me who I am today.
Everything that I've gone through made me who I am today.
If
you’re feeling depressed, know that you aren’t alone. God is with you always.
I
know this is clichéd. And I know this isn’t
what you want to hear, but I know this to be true: it does get better. Look up to the heavens. Close your eyes, and whisper Deo gratias. Feel His love wash over you. It will get better.
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